Simple Guide To Being Yourself To Anyone, Anytime
I realize that this title may sound silly or strange to some yet terrifying and maybe hopeful to others. The truth is, being yourself really isn't the easiest thing in the world for most people. There are those that came straight outta the womb saying hey this is me and you can take it or leave it! We all know someone like this and you likely love them because of it unless of course it's a personality that just clashes way too much with yours in which case you CAN'T STAND this individual... and that's okay too. We should all be kind to one another but no one said we all had to be friends!
The reason we are so drawn to these individuals is because they often radiate confidence, happiness, and some level of charm. They know who they are and it's obvious. I believe the ability to be yourself around anyone and everyone (not just family and close friends) is both a God-given gift and a skill that can be developed. Although it may seem humorous to "learn" how to be yourself, it's not a joke! It's actually something I think is very important and very beneficial for everyone to learn and practice! I myself, am still in the process of this but through the journey I have found way more happiness and success than I had while "hiding" out.
So these are the 5 steps I have learned to take in being myself around anyone, anywhere. Also these don't have to necessarily go in order except maybe the first one!
Get to know YOU. If you don't have a clear vision and understanding who you are to the core and what you love, hate, dream about, desire, fear, etc. then you need to do a little soul searching. Start with a pen and paper. Just write about yourself! Write down your talents, dreams, favorite things, personality traits, unique things about you, describe your looks, your favorite things about you, your hobbies, your interests. This should start to center you in to who you are and from here you need to add to this list, change it and start to remind yourself daily of all these things so if someone were to ask, who are you? You can quickly answer without hesitation.
Remember: People are too worried about themselves to worry about you. This step is all about shifting that inner fear of rejection into accepting the reality that most of your fears are completely unnecessary. Part of us being ourselves is how we like to dress and the "style" we put out. Yet most of us spend so much time worrying about our clothes and trying to mimic someone else's style that we aren't ever truly comfortable in our own skin. Pretty much no one is worried about or thinking bad things about your outfit (or your hair!), they too are just as worried about their own! So wear what YOU want and what makes you happy, who cares what people think (again they likely aren't thinking anything anyway!)
You don't need everyone to like you! This was a big step for me to realize and overcome (I'm still working on it sometimes). As I said in the beginning, we should all be kind and helpful to one another but we don't have to be friends! If you think about a couple of your closest friends, chances are they are similar to you in some ways. You can be yourselves with each other because that's the vibe you enjoy and are attracted to. So when you attend a party or something and you're being silly and cracking the cheesiest jokes and laughing the loudest laughs and only one person in the room is finding you funny and wants to be around you, there's your friend! It doesn't matter if the rest of the room doesn't get you. You and your one friend had a great time and isn't that one real bond better than several ingenuine ones that would have been formed and forgotten by you being something you're not? This isn't high school anymore, forget the mentality that popularity is everything and that it's all about being in the right "clique." With friends, quality is way better than quantity.
Stop comparing, start loving! You don't need to compare your life, your talents, your successes, your looks, or anything with anyone else! "Admire someone else's beauty without questioning your own!" Be grateful for the things you have and work harder for the things you want. Try to remember that no one has lived the same life as you and it goes the same way that you have never lived someone else's life. You have no idea what they've been through, how they got to where they are, the insecurities they have, ect. And don't ever assume that anyone knows any of this about you either! Approach people with love and curiosity rather than with judgment and comparison. I promise when you start doing this, not only do you start to see the true beauty within others, you start to recognize your own as well. It's way more fun and a lot less pressure to just love what you got and find the joy in others than it is to spend your time comparing and feeling down about yourself. When you aren't holding yourself up to the standard of others, you allow yourself to be completely free to be just as you are.
Choose happiness! Yes, you are in control of your own happiness and perceptions of things. You can choose to be happy and it is much easier to be ourselves when we are happy! I believe we are in way more control of what happens to us then we think. Yes it is a matter of how you react to situations too but I think it starts way before that. It starts with every single decision we make leading up to a "bad experience." Did you start your day with some good breakfast? Was it followed by a shower, making your bed, getting dressed? Did you sing along to your favorite jams as you tidied up your work space? Did you hold open the door for a stranger and compliment your cashier? Then after all of this your car breaks down or just something that could have been a complete day/week ruiner but it's not because you choose to be happy instead. I'm not saying you aren't allowed to be frustrated, mad, sad, or annoyed ever in your life! Just don't let it take over. Make the multiple small decisions every day to be happy and never let another emotion take its place for too long. The reason choosing happiness is so vital to being yourself is that it's hard to be in touch with our soul and to feed our inner self when we are miserable. I mean is your real- natural self an unhappy, pessimistic, and envious person? I highly doubt it. So go ahead, let the happy in and let the real you out.
To conclude, YOU ARE WORTH IT. You need to realize that you have something very unique and important to offer this world and you aren't doing anyone any favors by hiding it. It is hard. It's hard to be vulnerable, it's hard to open up and prepare for rejection. It's hard to quiet the voices inside that tell you to be embarrassed and to just keep quiet. The world encourages us to blend in, don't make waves, don't make a spectacle of yourself. And yes, I agree you need to keep *some* level of self control (I don't want to hear that my blog post inspired you to run naked through a park or to share all of your dirty jokes with your mother in law) I DO however want to hear that you are practicing these steps, that you are being brave and putting yourself out there. There is no failure here, only improvement and learning! Find the inner you, attract your tribe, embrace your style, share kindness and love, and choose happiness!!