Your Mind is a Mess, So is Mine
The other night, my husband and I talked, danced, and cried together because well.. adulting sucks. It's just life. Our life seems to be particularly difficult lately and it's getting heavy, on both of us. It seems to us that life is always either a sugar rush or a shit sandwich or some weird space in between where you have that uncertain feeling that it's going to shift one way or the other very soon. Well let's just say we've been feasting on a mega sized shit sandwich for several weeks now.. or maybe months. Hell, it feels like even a couple years.
The worst feeling I know is that of feeling stuck. Not knowing what to do next or how to make something better or how to solve a problem. Just like your feet are stuck in cement and your hands are tied and your mind is being pulled 5 different ways. It's literally THE WORST. So now double that, and that's our life. My husband is going through this same thing. Most other times in our life, when one of us was drowning, the other was fine and could lift them up and help keep their head above water. But now we are both nose deep trying to figure out how in the hell to get out. It's literally exhausting. All we can do is look each other in the eyes and tell ourselves it's going to be okay. We'll get through it because we always do. And honestly we'd rather be knee deep in shit and be together than be separated (pretty poetic right?)
Before I turn this post too melodramatic or worry my friends and family too much with my vagueness.. we're OKAY. But the thing is, being okay and being happy aren't really twins. Sure, you can say "don't worry, be happy" all you want because trust me, I say it to myself daily.. but when push comes to shove, you just want that sugar rush part of life to come back. And some days it's just damn hard to stay positive and hopeful and motivated and it's not that we're ungrateful or pessimistic, we love our life but we aren't comfortable settling for something we know isn't enough and we know we deserve and want so much more.
We have dreams, goals, hopes, plans, and all these things that are still just out of reach and it's hard to keep telling yourself that someday it will happen. Someday things are going to finally make sense. Someday we will get our break. Someday we will have that home. Someday we won't have to think twice about paying bills. Someday we will know what path to take and why. Someday we will wish we could tell our past selves to stop worrying, dry the tears, and keep going- it's going to be okay.
What I want to share most from all of this and what I want to connect with you on is simply that YOU AREN'T ALONE and you're not wrong for feeling lost and frustrated and yes even like you're drowning sometimes. We get it, oh trust me do we get it. But as we remind ourselves every day, this won't last forever. We won't be stuck in this small, old apartment forever. We won't struggle to make ends meet, we won't have to spend so much time working with so little return. We won't spend our days trying to build our businesses and wondering if it's worth it. But to get there, we do have to work and be bold and restless, and stubborn about getting the things we want and NEVER settle, not for anything.
You have to tell those voices in your head that tell you "it's too hard, you aren't enough, you aren't worth it, it will never happen, just give up, you're going to fail" to SHUT THE HELL UP. We are constantly battling these voices and some days it's easier to shut them out than others. When one of us is letting those voices on, the other is right there to combat them. WE ARE ENOUGH. It IS a good life, I have SO many things I am grateful for and so many things I am proud of and I wouldn't trade any sort of "better" life for my two sweet littles and my damn sexy and smart husband. I know in many ways, these are the good days but I know in my soul that there are much better ones ahead and there's nothing stopping us (or you) from getting there. So with that, here's to 2018. It's the year our life will change and the year we will rise out of these trials and into the people we are supposed to be and more into the life we are deserving of. I KNOW IT so now starts the journey of getting there.