I Am A Twenty-Something Mom Feeling Left Out
Oh hey there my fellow mama who is in her twenties and feeling like you are stuck in some other dimension where you are always cleaning up puke, making meals, driving around a mini-van, buying goldfish and gerber puffs on the regular, going on day three of no showering, and always rockin a messy bun and stained top. Oh wait.. nope not another dimension or funny movie. It's your LIFE. And it's mine too. And it's OKAY to feel like there's something more than this and to feel like you're missing out on things, because that's exactly where I found myself earlier this year.
I was married at 20 and had my first child at just shy of 22. I hadn't thought anything of it for the first couple years, I loved being married to my hunk of a husband and I was obsessed with my perfect little baby girl. I was also working, finishing up school, and just busy.. I felt "busy" but happy for 3 years. Then we had another baby and life got even busier and something changed, not abruptly either.. just slowly over time. A feeling of being lost, overwhelmed, forgotten, and not knowing who the hell I was. I didn't feel young or motivated or confident. I felt stuck and desperate to find a way out of it.
By "out of it" I don't mean out of my marriage or selling my kids off. Because I FREAKING love my family. I just didn't know what I was doing in my life, WITH ME. I honestly felt like a 24 year old living the life of a 36 year old (no offense if you're 36 and reading this.. I mean what do I know about your life?! 😬) The point is, I felt like I was missing out on my twenties somehow. My husband is 9 years older than me and had more of those fun "wild" and carefree experiences than I did. I sort of always felt jealous about that. Yes, I went to college and lived with super fun and awesome girls for 2 years before getting married but I mean... let's be honest, the craziest things we did was go to Walmart at midnight and sleep in the living room haha.
So after some serious soul searching and discovering who I am and who I want to be, I came to a very important conclusion about this. I can't blame my husband or my kids for "missing out" on my twenties. It's not their fault, nor is there any fault to be given out really.. it's just the reality of our life. BUT I also realized this doesn't mean it has to be this way.
I CAN BE A WIFE AND MOM AND STILL BE A TWENTY-FIVE YEAR OLD. What?! I can still do "whatever" I want within reason and with a little more creativity and hard work. That's part of the reason I decided to chop my hair off. That's why I'm starting to wear what I want to wear, not necessarily what I think a "mom" should wear. I'm going to make more plans to go out with friends without kids and occasional weekends away from home like to Vegas or something. (Oh and P.S. My husband is fully on board and supportive of all this, he totally gets where I'm coming from and sees the importance of me doing these things) I want to get a tattoo and explore new hobbies and travel and basically act my age!
Now this is where I'm sure some of you are wondering... why though? Maybe you see it as being selfish or irresponsible or silly or not putting my family first. And while I get those thoughts, that's not it at all what this is about. Of course my family ALWAYS comes first. And I wouldn't ever do something in my interest that wasn't in their best interest. I just simply need to be me. I need to experience life outside of my roles at home or I fear I will carry around some level of resentment my entire life. I don't want to ever say "what if.." or "I wish I could have.." or "if only I had been able to.."
I had thought for a moment that maybe I had made a mistake for getting married so young and having 2 kids before I was 25 but I was wrong. Those were the best decisions I ever made and they have made my life so much better and more full of purpose and way more happy. The mistake I did make was losing myself in the process and forgetting who I was outside of a wife and mom. I it was more than being selfless, it was not giving myself any attention or allowing me to love me and nurture my own needs and passions. This is why I changed things.
So really, it's not difficult and it absolutely isn't impossible for me to enjoy my twenties and still be a kick ass mom and wife. As I said before, I just have to be creative and not hold myself back. If it means I need to find a sitter, I do. If it means we have to sacrifice a few things and save up money so we can travel more, then we'll do it. If it means I stop spending so much money on my kids clothes, and buy something for myself for once then.. I GLADLY do it! If it means I go out with my husband and we pretend like we aren't boring parents for a night then we do it! (And do it....) it means I don't just label myself as a stay at home mom and a wife. I'm Holly and I have a lot of life to live and things to experience! A lot of those things will be with my husband and kids right by my side and yet many of them will be by myself and that is OKAY.
So to all of the twenty-something moms out there reading this.. GO ENJOY YOUR TWENTIES! Just because you're a mom doesn't mean you're done growing up and have to be mature all the time! Be yourself, be a little wild, be adventurous, try new things, ditch your kids once in a while, have a beer (or two or three..) on the weekends, buy the shoes, get a tattoo, wear those jeans that make your butt look oh so fine, take a class, nurture your talents, start a business, change jobs, date your hot husband and have lots of "twenty year old" sex with him. Love your mom life but also love your OWN life too! So, here's to our twenties, let's DO THIS!